The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.


The first man was an Engineer,

the second man was an Accountant,

the third man was a Chemist, and

the fourth man was a Government Employee.


To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'


T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.


Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.



But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'


Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.


Everyone agreed that was good.



But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'


Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured

exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.


Everyone agreed that was pretty good.



Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'


The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'




CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......











ate the cookies........


drank the milk.......


sh*t on the paper.......





screwed the other three cats.......



claimed he injured his back while doing so.......



filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......



put in for Workers Compensation...............and




went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............












AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

20 Rules in any office

Rule 1. - The Boss is always right

Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

Rule 3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.


Rule 4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.


Rule 5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.


Rule 6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.


Rule 7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.


Rule 8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.


Rule 9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


Rule 10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.


Rule 11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...


Rule 12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.


Rule 13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.


Rule 14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.


Rule 15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .


Rule 16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.


Rule 17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.


Rule 18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.


Rule 19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.


Rule 20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.


Stumble It!