Showing posts with label SARDARJI JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SARDARJI JOKES. Show all posts

An Old Monkey Story With A New Ending

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of
the trees,
so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he
up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had
taken all his hats.

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the
were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An
came to his mind*
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that
too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller
had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on

He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and
monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, Sukhwinder threw his
hat on
the floor but to his surprise,
the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,
him a slap and
Guess!!! Said what???
************ ****
************ *..
***********. .
"You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"



Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the
middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the
plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some
time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the
sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old
lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the
sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air
hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally
the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the
sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,
the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt.
replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All
others will go to Jalandhar."


Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Give me a green one, please."


Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him
hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"


Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," comes an answer.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!


Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?". "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks
Gani Singh.


There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of
discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They
selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and
waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed
but noboby turned up.

WHY ? -

Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought
the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their
garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.


B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought
a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew
past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there
nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.


B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their
taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even
an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the
story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but
the taxi wouldnt budge.


B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.


Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned
for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the
inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE

By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an
english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa
Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,

Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation


How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.
How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
Hide the wind-up key.
How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
Cut the rubber band.
Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF.
They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes
end up in the ground anyway.
Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the
hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily
abandoned in enemy territory.
Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?
Neither has Pakistan.
Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
It's a solar powered flashlight.
Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.
How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
Put it in water.
Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi ?
There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square Shopping Mall. People were
stuck on the escalator for four hours.
Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death outside a theatre ? They
were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".
Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash ?
The pilot felt cold, so he turned off the fan.
Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses ?
They get it from chasing parked cars.
Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for five days ?
He was scheduled to take a medical test.
Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.



The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had
lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm
2400 kms from home."


A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told
him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the
answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in
a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a
manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you
jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,
"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under
there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of
him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole,
and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling
"87, 87, 87"...


Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the
columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes


Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from
the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces
surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but,
suddenly out of the bushes jumps Captain. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar
dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run
off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His friends ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli
hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the
sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh
wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead
gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal
thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya". Gani Singh replies
"aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!


Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to
spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries
to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.".
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not
for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing
a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the
mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says
"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."


Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a
double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa
went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching
the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What
the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?"
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "


You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"


Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."


Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.


How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear


What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.


How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.


What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.


Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.


Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.


How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.


What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.


What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.


What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).


What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.


Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.


Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.


How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.


Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone


How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.


"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?


What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.


Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.