Showing posts with label Jokes 3. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes 3. Show all posts

Hasana Mana Hai :)

Baap: beta shadi k din susral walay
ghari dein tu suit mang lena.
Scooter dein tu car mang lena,
dokan dien tu ghar
beta: dady larki dein tu oski maa mang lon?

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai

Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..

Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.

Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

Car operating system

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life..
You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.


Laughing will increase ur life span.......

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called


But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3.) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And

the other loves too many,

4.) Employee:

Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!


Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5.) Philosophy of life

At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as


Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6.) What is a Fear?

Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7.) Useful

Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wiseman cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?


Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"


That ' s good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "


What is it?


Its called the "door..!"

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Don ' t kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us

Just for Laughs

Two men

met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?


Forget mine.

Lets find yours!!


Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress


Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever!!!"


Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and


is when both are pregnant.


Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.


Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are

customer complaints.


Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!


Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --


Jokes 03

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again,
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'