Few Facts about Boys Funny............

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

3. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

4. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life...

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her master degree.

19. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be
spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in
midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30.. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with
his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails

Funny Killer English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "

************ ********* ***

Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

************ ********* ***

once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."

************ ********* ***

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

************ ********* ***

don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

************ ********* ***

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

************ ********* ***

teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

************ ********* ***

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

************ ********* ***

My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

************ ********* ***

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

************ ********* ***

"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

************ ********* ***

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

************ ********* ***

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

************ ********* ***

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

************ ********* ***

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

************ ********* ***

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

************ ********* ***

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

************ ********* ***

An Old Monkey Story With A New Ending

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of
the trees,
so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he
woke
up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had
taken all his hats.

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the
monkeys
were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An
idea
came to his mind*
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that
too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller
and
had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It
was
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on
the
tree.

He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and
the
monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys
followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, Sukhwinder threw his
hat on
the floor but to his surprise,
the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,
gave
him a slap and
Guess!!! Said what???
************ ****
************ *..
***********. .
*********..
********
*****..
****.
***
**.
*.
*
..
.
.
.
"You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"

Man And Love.

John was waiting for his love....


"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5
mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"


"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and
stuff .... oh there she is"

"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.

"OK I will try"

Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey ...
I was shopping for shoes .. totally forgot about you"

"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain .... "she
would have had a nervous breakdown"

John ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour .. no problem"

She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember
what occasion is today"

"OMG!!!", thought John .....

"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly
anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"

Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different
parts ... parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete
memory scan.

Sheetal stared at John .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2
minutes now ... u OK?"

"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in thought"

"No records found", said the brain ...

"Damn!!", thought John

"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.

John is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?". said the brain

"OK OK ...stop pushing me"

"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT T!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" , she shouted ... and started crying.

"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"


"!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.

John was dumbfounded.
"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.

"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist
will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"

"Better do it fast ..brainy"

The brain was working at 90% capacity ..... gathering and analyzing all
data on 'How to handle women?'

Finally an answer was computed and communicated to John.

He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggie's birthday
... how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"

She looked up with utter surprise ...
"HUH!!!!!!! ....... Doggy is the name of my cat you jerk"

She stood up angrily and left.
John and his brain were left there clueless ....

"Ah! screw u guys .. I'm going home", said his brain and left.


Good laugh for Women

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?


"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"


He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "


And they say woman are dumb...


**********



A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."


The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."


**********



"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"


"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


**********


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?



A: A rumor


**********



A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.


The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.


The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!


Gottta love that fairy!


**********


Dear Lord,


I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.


AMEN


**********


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?


A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?


A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


**********


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?



A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says,
"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted,
"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said,
"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."



MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

God created the donkey

God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
God created the dog



and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey



and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Finally God created man ...



and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,
marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.


Present For Husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"

One liners -- Hidden meanings

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS


1."We will do it" means "You will do it"


2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"


3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"


4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"


6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"


7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"


8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"


11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is"


14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."


15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"


17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

HISTORICAL FACTS ABOUT INDIA.

A. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
B. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
C. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than
10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The
University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest
achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
D. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most
suitable language for computer software reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.
E. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father
of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast
regaining its rightful place in our civilization.
F. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development,
India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the
early 17th Century.
G. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The Very word
Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also
derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
H. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds
of years before the astronomer Smart.; Time taken by earth to orbit the sun:
(5th century) 365.258756484 days.
I. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of
what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century
long before the European mathematicians.
J. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by
Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the
Romans used were 106 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big
as 1053(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during
the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number isTera 1012(10 to the
power of 12).
K. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the
only source for diamonds to the world.
L. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world
scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof.
Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
M. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
N. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called
'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta
Maurya's time.
O. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
P. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his
time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs,
fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of
anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were
used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion,
metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.
Q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago,
Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley(Indus Valley Civilization)
R. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

QUOTES ABOUT INDIA

A. Albert Einstein said: We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count,
without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
B. Mark Twain said: India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human
speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand
mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most constructive materials in the
history of man are treasured up in India only.
C. French scholar Romain Rolland said: If there is one place on the face of earth
where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days
when man began the dream of existence, it is India.
D. Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said: India conquered and
dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single
soldier across her border. All the above is just the TIP of the iceberg, the list
could be endless.

GREAT TO BE AN INDIAN

You may be aware of that after IT now India moving towards Biotechnology.
According to one research India will emerge as a super power in IT & Medical
research by 2025.
Q. Who is the Co-founder of Sun Microsystems? (The company which is sweeping the
Internet with its brainchild Java)
A. Vinod Khosla
Q. Who is the Creator of Pentium Chip? (Needs no introduction, 90% of the today's
computers run on it)
A. Vinod Dahm
Q. Who is the third richest person on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji,
CEO, Wipro. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.
Q. Who is the current president of AT&T Bell Labs? (AT & T Bell Labs is the creator
of C, C++, Unix to name a few)
A. Arun Netravalli
Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail? (Hotmail is world's No. 1 web based
email program)
A. Sabeer Bhatia
Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
A. Rajiv Gupta
Q. Who is the Testing Director of Windows 2000?
A. Sanjay Tejwrika
We are known as the Indian Mafia (or Internet Mafia?).
We are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than
the whites and the natives. We are the success story in America.
Let the world know what we stand for.
There are 3.22 Million Indians in America.!"
38% of Doctors in America are Indians.!"
12% of Scientists in America are Indians.!"
36% of NASA employees are Indians.!"
34% of MICROSOFT employees are Indians
28% of IBM employees are Indians!"
17% of INTEL employees are Indians!"
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.!"

Some of these facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a
German Magazine which deals with WORLD

SOME ROMANTIC COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD

These are some of the romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction.
K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

SARDARJI JOKES :- 3

CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the
middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the
plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some
time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the
sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old
lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the
sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air
hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally
the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the
sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,
the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt.
replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All
others will go to Jalandhar."

COLOR TV

Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."


CROCODILE BOOTS

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him
hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

LONG FLIGHT

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," comes an answer.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?". "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks
Gani Singh.

THE 4 SARDARJIS

There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of
discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They
selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and
waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed
but noboby turned up.

WHY ? -

Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought
the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their
garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY ?

B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought
a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew
past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there
nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY ?

B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their
taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even
an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the
story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but
the taxi wouldnt budge.

WHY ?

B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

SANTA SING AND STUDENTS

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned
for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the
inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"

By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an
english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa
Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH".

Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation

SOME SECRETS OF PAKISTAN ARMY

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.
How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
Hide the wind-up key.
How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
Cut the rubber band.
Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF.
They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes
end up in the ground anyway.
Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the
hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily
abandoned in enemy territory.
Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?
Neither has Pakistan.
Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
It's a solar powered flashlight.
Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.
How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
Put it in water.
Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi ?
There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square Shopping Mall. People were
stuck on the escalator for four hours.
Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death outside a theatre ? They
were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".
Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash ?
The pilot felt cold, so he turned off the fan.
Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses ?
They get it from chasing parked cars.
Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for five days ?
He was scheduled to take a medical test.
Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.

SARDARJI JOKES :- 2

TO LOOSE WEIGHT...

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had
lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm
2400 kms from home."

HEAVEN

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told
him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the
answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in
a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
.
ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a
manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you
jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,
"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under
there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of
him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole,
and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling
"87, 87, 87"...

EMPLOYMENT?

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the
columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes

AT INDO-PAK WAR

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from
the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces
surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but,
suddenly out of the bushes jumps Captain. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar
dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run
off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His friends ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli
hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the
sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh
wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead
gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal
thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya". Gani Singh replies
"aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to
spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries
to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.".
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not
for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing
a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the
mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says
"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a
double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa
went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching
the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What
the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?"
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

SARDARJI JOKES

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.


Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"

*****

Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

*****

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

******

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

******

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

******

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

******

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

******

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

******

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

******

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

******

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
******

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.

******

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

******

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

******

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

******

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

******

Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

******

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

******

Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

******

How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

******

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

******

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

******

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

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Hasana Mana Hai :)


Baap: beta shadi k din susral walay
ghari dein tu suit mang lena.
Scooter dein tu car mang lena,
dokan dien tu ghar
beta: dady larki dein tu oski maa mang lon?

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.


Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"


Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.


Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai


Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.


Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..


Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.


Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"


Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?


Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.


6 Weeks, 6 Months and 6 Years

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?


Back from Work:


6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??


Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.


Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.


Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!


Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??


New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?


Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???


TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself


Car operating system

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life..
You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

*******


Laughing will increase ur life span.......

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called

"Saints"

But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"



3.) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And

the other loves too many,



4.) Employee:

Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS:

Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!


5.) Philosophy of life

At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as

GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!



6.) What is a Fear?

Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!



7.) Useful

Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wiseman cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?


Shopkeeper:

Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"


Girl:

That ' s good, Give me 12 of them..!


9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "


Applicant:

What is it?


Interviewer:

Its called the "door..!"


10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Don ' t kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us

Just for Laughs

Two men

met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st:

Forget mine.

Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever!!!"


**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic

is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are

customer complaints.


**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --

**********

Jokes 03

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again,
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

Jokes 02


BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.



GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...



GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??



GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple



GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??



BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??



BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??



SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning

kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the

cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.



WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear

and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both

ears and comes out of the mouth.



MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What

do u think,

Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and

no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again

yesterday".



2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun

or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need

it but the sun gives us light only in the day time

when we don't need it".



3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".



4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"



5) My father is so old that when he was in school,

history was called current affairs.



6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father

is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".



7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father

that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,

past year's performance repeated".



8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a

donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be

showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".



9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say

prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good

cook".



10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering

doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show

that nine out of ten people die of the disease you

have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others

all died".



11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of

COINCIDENCE? "

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married

on the same day and at the same time."



12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped

down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

JOKES

Doctor to sardar patient: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.

Sardar: Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko peeliya tha kya?

Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Peeliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha ki nai?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor : Kyon?

Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor ( in Fully frustration): Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.

Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!

Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Doctor : Abe teri ..............................
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